If he dies
by gossamer moonglow
Summary: A person may feel guilty over actions, or... non actions. What else?


Written for the NFA Guilt Challenge

_**If he dies…**_

'If my son dies you're going down Agent Gibbs.' Her husband pulled her away from the surprised senior Agent whispering to her that it wasn't his fault that it was their son's decisions but Gibbs could see the contempt in both sets of eyes. He turned around and left the waiting room. Their son being shot was not his fault.

'Is it my mistake, Gibbs?' The teary green eyes took his breath away. He reached out and pulled her to a hug. He didn't answer the question though. What could he say?

'Is it, Gibbs…?' Abby wanted reassurance and she was certain Gibbs would give it to her. He always did; even when he shouldn't. Gibbs closed his eyes letting fragments of memories assault him. But Abby wouldn't let his so easily.

'Abs…' he tried to warm her.

'They're not letting me to near him, Gibbs. I want to see him….'

'They are his parents. They have every right to do as they please. The room was getting darker and darker and Abby's weight not as comfortable as it always has been.

'His Mom said…' Gibbs fingers went to her lips to hush her words before uttering them. He didn't need to listen, he knew really well what his Mom might have said.

'Any news Boss?' Tony and Ziva found him hugging Abby. He shook his head. Abby detangled herself from his arms and launched at Tony her tears wetting his shirt whispering –Abby style- that she wasn't permitted to see Tim.

'No Tony, but even if there was, his parents would have said anything to us. His Mom made that more than clear already.'

'Why not?' Ziva asked not understanding the reason behind a decision like that. A pointed look from her American leader brought her back to reality.

'I'm certain they'll talk to me.' Abby's eyes brightened at the familiar British accent but Gibbs sat on a near by chair feeling drained.

'I'm not so sure Ducky.'

'Give this old man some credit, Jethro.

'It's not that, it's just...'

Everything had began when he had ordered McGee to look after Abby. Again! And then, like usual, both Abby and McGee had disappeared. He still didn't know the specifics of that. Only that Abby had forgotten something back as her place and she had dragged McGee with her to take it back. The hotel room sheets weren't black apparently. Gibbs eyes went back on her, looking up and down her body. He saw a darkening bruise on her left wrist. He pointed at it with his hand.

'What's that Abby?' Abby had the sense to look abashed; colour would have crept up her cheeks if there wasn't so much powder covering them. Ziva mistook his question.

'It may need medical care.' She said more like a comment than anything else.

'That's not why I asked.'

'Why did you ask, Gibbs?' The conversation between Ziva and him was irrelevant; his eyes never left Abby's while he kept waiting for an answer. Tony took a step behind and left Abby to explain.

'I think you know Ziva.' And she did know. Her gaze turned to Abby.

'McG… Tim tried to stop me from leaving the hotel room.'

'And you didn't listen…'

'If it hadn't taken me so long to convince her they wouldn't have find us in time…' She said with an edge in her words.

'Convince him Abby?' This time it was Tony who asked.

'Well, yes, convince him. I told him I'd go on my own if he didn't come with me…'

'It was then that he followed you out…'

'No…' Abby wasn't looking at them any longer. 'It was then that he locked the door and told me we weren't going to leave. But, Gibbs you sent me there to feel safe, and to get rest. I couldn't get any kind of rest without my…' _Without her sheets._

'…when room service came I managed to escape him and he ran behind me. I didn't see them but he did and pushed me out of the way getting hit himself…'

Tears started again and Gibbs wanted nothing more than to hug her and make the tears go away. His eyes remained on her waiting for the rest of the events.

But that would be an ever bigger betrayal. His guilt didn't let him follow through with that.

'Jethro, I'll give a try all the same…'

'Yes, Ducky, do what you can.'

'Boss…'

Gibbs didn't stay to heat what Tony wanted to say to him. There was no point really. Inside his mind Abby's questioned was like a mantra. "Is it my mistake, Gibbs?" "Is it my mistake, Gibbs?"… it was. But he wasn't going to say that. He didn't want to admit that. McGee was a trained agent, Abby wasn't. It was his job to keep her safe.

He walked slowly at the cafeteria, took his coffee and tried to drink it. The first sip nauseated him. He let it on a table and walked out on the dark, cloudy night. It was slowly raining.

Guilt wasn't a new feeling for him but this time he felt guilty for the reason he felt guilty. It was difficult to explain. Tim being in the hospital fighting for his life was bad enough, his parents accusing them for that was worse but those weren't the reason for his remorse.

He felt guilty. Damn! He was guilty and he really wondered if his being there wasn't hypocritical. There was no need to worry though because he knew it was. His body shuddered as memories of earlier that evening came to him. A Police Officer called him to tell him one of his people was down.

'Man or woman?' He had asked with dread of the answer.

'Man.' Was the reply he had gotten.

And he was relieved. For a few seconds he had believed it was Abby the one who had gotten hurt, he had been waiting for the worst so relief overflowed him at that simple word, McGee forgotten for a few moments. The closest thing to a daughter he ever had since Kelly's death was safe and that was all that mattered.

And then it took even more moments to realize that Timothy McGee was seriously injured, that he could die. Because of Abby… who was safe and well.

He heard footsteps from behind ad turned to see Ducky walking to him.

'I have news…'

No matter what Ducky had to say about Tim's condition wasn't going to remove the veil of shame and guilt from Gibbs' conscience.

Finis


End file.
